2002-07-11   7:47 p.m.

i haven't done anything today but watch tv and eat. my dad showed up with donuts around 10, my mom showed up with chinese around 3.

i love dating shows, and i don't care what that makes me in your eyes. if you're interested in them too, read on.

today i found a splendid array of tv lineups that combine to make something almost on par with the "date time tv" lineup up north that Brytne and i always enjoyed between classes. wb49 showed change of heart and shipmates, before wgn showed fifth wheel, elimidate, and another change of heart, before mtv showed taildaters. needless to say, my sadistic appetite for watching guys mess up with the good ones and go for the stupid ones on national tv.. was satisfied. here's a rundown on those shows:

the best watch is generally shipmates, with its awkward not-made-for-tv host chris hardwick and bachelorettes who tend to be suspicious of their dates' sexual preference. the host makes absolutely hilarious (sometimes only by their stupidity) cracks about the daters

change of heart is really a filler date show, because its content (while entertaining) never changes. the females are always black or hispanic, and they always call each other "ghetto", "trashy", "no-class-havin", "hoochie mama", or similar names. the guy always has a change of heart if his new date puts out a considerable amount (i.e. they send the datecam home early), and you can always tell a girl will have a change of heart by assessing her level of bitchiness when asked about what's wrong with their relationship. the girls' minds always seem to be made up before they even go on the show, and the guys are transparently swayed by anyone who can speak the primal language.

elimidate and the fifth wheel are typical good television, both requiring the daters to make a decision as to their favorite from a group, before presumably hooking up with their prize.

the treat today, however, was taildaters. basically, two people who know the boy, and two people who know the girl, follow the date in a bus and watch it together on a tv screen, commenting and discussing all the while. today, for the first time i've seen, one of the acquaintances was the girl's mom. i can see how 9if the date had gone better) this would hinder her ability to act like her normal whorish self, but it wouldn't have made a difference in this date's case. the guy had no game, and thus got no play. owned.

i watched some syndicated sitcom reruns on the tbs, the local abc, and fox. at this point i'm still awaiting the best of those lines, a back-to-back seinfeld schedule for later tonight (i'm teeming with excitement)

at the moment i am watching one of my all-time favorite movies, l.a. confidential, as part of the man-made-movie series on tbs (which has decided to call itself "the superstation"). stars kim basinger, guy pierce, kevin spacey, danny devito, and russel crowe stud the lineup of this twisty-turny cop-and-crime film from 1998. recommended. one of the hosts just referred to some cabinets as "utilitarian" -- something tells me she meant to say "useful", but wanted to sound smart, so she went for the very rarely-used homonym of a word typically used to describe a religion based in vagueness (following the philosophy that "useful is good", or, in webster, "a theory that the aim of action should be the largest possible balance of pleasure over pain or the greatest happiness of the greatest number"). Sounds like a group of sexual hedonists to me... not cabinets.

wasting my day completely,

kyle