2003-05-22   3:07 a.m.

Yousyphillis and I went to Burger King, an establishment that has apparently taken it upon themselves to cast panic and guilt on Americans with poor diets. You see, there's now this handy-dandy calories chart that, I suppose, was intended to be some sort of plug for their new line of salads,* but in fact only served the purpose of informing me that my $6.35 had bought me 1600 calories in one meal.

We also made turkey-bacon BLTs, but I put a chicken patty on mine, because Bacon is a topping, not the central meat of a sandwich, and that's just the way it is. And heaven help turkey-bacon...

But, they were really good. We also made meatball sandwiches, but all 16 of our hamburger buns were moldy**, so we had to cut each meatball in half and eat the sandwiches on hot dog buns. Shortly afterwards, I decided tomorrow I would mold ground beef into hilarious phallic shapes and eat them on hot dog buns as well. I can't come up with a clever name for this food (or clever anything, for that matter), so I think I'll call them... hamburger-dogs.. fuck :(

There are apparently no jobs available in the Champaign-Urbana for an intelligent, motivated (don't laugh; money motivates me), efficient worker, who doesn't have the balls to steal from his employer [also, I type 120wpm and I'm a Taurus]. I keep applying, though, because the 96 bucks I scammed by selling my roommates' books is wearing thin.

Bastards should've left more books.

-jkw

*FUCK SALAD.AND I WOUDNT GO TO BURGER KING EVEN IFI WANT A SALD ANYWAY.WHY ARE ALL THE FAST FOOD P[LACES SERVERING SALADSX? EAT ME

**Okay, so we saw a tiny splotch of mold in each of the two packages of eight. But I don't see anyone volunteering to open that shit up and check each bun, so my assumption will have to stand.

but they can't make you laugh, no they can't make you feel the way that I do