2002-07-14   1:27 a.m.

i wanna talk about all those people that have faded out of my (or your) life.. particularly the ones that i don't keep up with, except for the basics (where they live or go to school and whom they might marry).. the people whose actions really have no effect on mine, whose lives don't really affect me at all (ignoring all that hocus pocus karma causation stuff)

but in the times before all this was true, i cared about them. does that mean i care about them now? i think somehow it does. one of these people came on icq today (a rare happening to begin with), one i haven't really talked to in years -- by the way, screw the no-ending-sentences-or-prepositional-phrases-in-a-preposition rule; mike judge knew what was up with his play on it ("off in whose trailer they were whacking", i believe).. and while i'm at it, screw putting the comma or period or other punctuation within the quotation marks unless the person you're quoting used said punctuation --

anyway, i was instilled with a certain type of action-changing curiosity which, in this case, made me respond to a typical string of how-i've-spent-my-summer smalltalk with "but are you happy?"

i certainly like to hope everyone's happy (unless they've given me reason to wish other things on them), but in this particular case it definitely mattered to me to know if this person was happy.

do you find yourself wondering how former friends or acquaintances are doing, below the surface? it's not as if you'll ever have another heart-to-heart with a lot of these people.. it's not as if the level of their happiness affects you, but have you ever smiled at the thought that it might be high?

yes?

that must explain why, staring at an icq message window and totally in the dark about the specifics of vague statements, my heart still sank to a level not superficial enough to warrant tears:

"i was until tonight"

"then i'm your angel, if you wanna talk...or i can fade back into nonexistence if you don't :)

i'm so convenient!"

i felt silly when the latter option was chosen, but i'd offer again in a heartbeat.

any friend, any time.

so right, anyway, life events (less interesting) follow

my parents woke me up today around 3 and acted like i bombed my bc calc ap for a while, but then when they showed it to me, i had a five (best score possible! w00t), meaning i will have my friday-free schedule in the fall. congratulate me. we went to cape for groceries, and to red lobster to celebrate. i had chicken pasta -- y'know, ignoring the whole "when in rome" deal.

i spent most of yesterday reading diaries and considering buying webspace to set up my own site for the... fourth time. options for the domain name are: ysdexlic.com (which would make the transition to my diary pages smooth), versakyle.com (as one of those stupid "he must think he's clever" domains), or whatever silly combination of short-named common nouns i can think of (i.e. hatboat.com, shoehat.com) -- that, and an anti-modern art venture dannyr and i are working on (read: thinking about working on)

tonight i watched a walk to remember with my family. i made fun of my mom for renting it, but it turned out to be a pretty good picture... not that i ever dislike movies, but this one was on the verge of waterworks a few times. my complain on realism was, the girl never really gave the guy solid reasons to love her or milestones during the "falling in love" process, and the guy's such reasons/milestones often seemed contrived. but whatever, they are happy and in love so smile! at least they made fun of bible thumpers, even if it was a good-guy they were making fun of :p

be happy,

jon kyle wild

i can show you the world

shining, shimmering, splendid